meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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