How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
