The beer is more important than you right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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