if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
