You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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