I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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