She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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