I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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