I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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