Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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