And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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