She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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