WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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