if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
