Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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