I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
