i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
