Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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