i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.