The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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