my sisters under your porch take her home
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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