I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.