You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)