My nipple is on Facebook.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
