Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.