He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.