Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.