I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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