i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
