I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
