Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
