last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
