Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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