i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
