Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
