he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
