when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
