He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
