my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
