He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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