I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
