youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
