yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
