i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
