i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am one with the molecules
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
