finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
