He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...