Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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