Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They took my balls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
