Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
