I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
