Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
