sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
