Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
