meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
