No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
two words...techno handjob
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
