she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just high enough for therapy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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