my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
