the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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