Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's shark week go big or go home
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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