My room smells like vodka and shame
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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