im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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