I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
