i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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