I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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