you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
