I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
