the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
