I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
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I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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