My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
