if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
