So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
