just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
