wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
