Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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