3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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