i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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