Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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