Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
