thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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