i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
