Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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