i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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