we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize