are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
then he tried to convert me to islam
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
