Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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