I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
