we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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