ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
