a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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