I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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