I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
