I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
