Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
